Monkey Love making

Well i've totally forgotten about my rent which was rather splendid, but at the moment just having a generally poor day! I'm due to go to salsa tonight, but part of my line is out, so basically it makes getting there and back even more tricky and i try and avoid the night busses if i can help - i'll explain why i try and avoid them on a later post.

I was thinking today, as a crazy guy was singing ray charles on the bus, whether my life really is bad, i do often harp on about how bad it is, but then i look at some people who arent so fortunate and i think yep i'm pretty lucky.

But why oh why, will my feelings not feel that way, why is it that when i have a good weekend with friends, i go home feeling really really down, even when theres nothing wrong happened i feel down! argghhhhhhh its so annoying right now.

Things could be worse right?!....................................

oh oh spaghettios

i have a real urge, when i'm drinking to bite on the glass or even break it...........................





I think i'm going through a phase of enjoying people get hurt in slightly comical ways.

and why the heckety heck did someone tag me on this.

Its a hard knock life!

I woke up to a lovely call by the police asking me to talk about what happened on sunday and then i thought i would check my email, and there it was, a email from the finance office.
They wanted me to pay a huge amount of money that would of eaten up all my loans to pay for my rent, i dutifully paid some of it, but kept the rest so i can actually live. Now the want the rest, but i have sent them an email saying they will just, have to wait till my next loan comes through.

I hate the fact that as a student you try and better yourself and the country you live in, but at every corner you get penalised, i really hope the finance office are understanding, for some reason i sincerly doubt this, just when i thought this week couldnt get any worse, it just did ten fold. This isn't really helping me with my depression and i just feel really trapped and scared about the future.

On a brighter note i'm spending sometime with friends tonight, i'm cooking a cottage pie and bread and butter pudding, i was really excitied but now i just want to go into a deep hibernation and never wake up again............................................................................

I hate Twilight

The week that was...........

Well my last blog was not a particularly up-beat and i do try and keep things a bit happy, one it helps me with my problems and two i guess no one really wants to hear depressing stuff.

My goal is to document stuff more and post it onto my blog, i have only 8 followers, so i thank you for reading my posts, please spread the word!

"All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible". William Faulkner

Saltwater

I never knew life could be such a total bitch, the cherry on the cake was today when i got robbed at church. Of all the places church would be pretty low down on the scale of things. okay they only took my card and student card, but its the straw that broke the camels back, to know someone has your identity its really horrible.

The guy went on a stealing spree, took someones laptop and phone, its the worst form of crime in my opinion, its not what i need at this time, life is so hard for me at the moment and to have this worry and burden its killing me.

I really want to have an adventure, go somewhere and forget about things, do something totally random and just be happy again, i really want to do that, so badly, just do something interesting, i look at other people's lifes and wonder if mine will ever be as interesting as theirs.

I just want to get away from london, this country just everything and live a little, i've figured london is a rude place, people really don't give a toss about the next person, there are certain things i would miss about london, one being the friends and two the fashion and music scene, but i just feel like i dont fit down here, i feel to sociable, i do wish i was still back in the 1950's where things seemed easier and rosier! okay that may be looking at things with rose tainted spectacles, but that thought is keeping me going.

At least i have decent friends and people who are actually really genuine around me, thats a good point, but even then i just see that somehow they will no longer be my friends as i feel like i irritate and disgust a few people. Why has life suddenly got a lot harder?

well for now dear reader, may you have the fondest of dreams..........................